Trouble, that starts with T...and rhymes with B...

I got in big, fat, huge, trouble with my Coach this weekend. Thing is, I was mad at him but he turned it around and said he was really mad at me. What do you do with that? It's a good ploy. I'm going to use it in the future when I piss someone off. I'm just going to spat back, "Yeah, well, I'm pissed at you!" I tell you, if you are the first person pissed, you are going to be confused and speechless.

We had two of the worst refs in the history of hockey officiate our game on Saturday, and I use the word officiate only because that's the official word but says nothing for what these two bimbos did. One of them PLAYS in our league, in our division. Um, hello? Conflict of interest? She called 6 penalties on my team. We usually have between 0-3 penalties. The other idiot ref called NOTHING. Except the game winning goal by our opponent when our NET WAS OFF. In any other game, the goal would have been waived off. This other ref is an absolute beginner ref. She is timid, scared, and squeals when the puck comes near her. Yep, squeals like a piglet.

[My co-alt-cap't wrote an awesome letter to the Head Ref/Ref Scheduler about our concerns. His cookie-cutter reply, which we've received once before, was blah, blah, blah, not enough refs for women's games, blah, blah, blah, they are Level I USAHockey certified refs, blah, blah, blah, no ref, even himself, can call a perfect game. I swear to gawd, I could ring his scrawny neck.]

Coach thinks I let the refs get to me, which then rendered me useless. I say, yes, I was pissed on the bench and made some choice comments, BUT, when I jumped on the ice, my focus was on the puck, my linemates, and the opponent's goalie. Since he makes the rules, he won. Pulled goalie, 6 skaters, B is once again warming the bench.

Now, I don't expect favors. I take a ton of lessons and practice every day. He doesn't play favorites with my teammates (or me--even though he tells me I'm his fav, I think he says that to all the girls) who take lessons from him, clearly! But, I think my hard work and dedication have earned me a spot. (He picked a sub over me...) Not to mention, he keeps telling me I can skate and shoot. His reason for not playing me in the last 2 minutes: "You lost your mind."

Not until he told me that.

How can I convince my teammates that I'm the go-to player if my coach doesn't show them that he believes in me? He says he believes in me but he also says (on a weekly basis!) that he wants actions, not words. OKAY! ME, TOO! Actions. No excuses.

So he got pissed that I got pissed. What is that? I couldn't even watch the end of the game. I get benched and I thought I was skating hard all game. I was blinded with rage in the locker room and understandably did not want to discuss it in front of all my teammates, nor in the lobby in front of all the honeys and random people sitting there. Even at the bar, three shots and four double cocktails later, it was not finished. It took 24 hours to get us back straight...sort of.

Although, he did remind me in my lesson today, 37 hours post pissiness, that I made him really mad this weekend. He's normally a very calm, voice of reason. He's easy-going; doesn't seem like much would piss him off. Sometimes I just don't read people. "Wow, you're lucky. People surprise the shit out of me."

Thinking back on it, I may have a serious anger issue with bad refs. In my men's game on Sunday the refs actually told me to keep my mouth shut or they would toss me. Now, I didn't swear at them or yell. I got cross-checked in the chest and knocked on my ass by one of the jerky opponents. I got up, and tried to get the puck. Our goalie covered it. Whistle blew. I skated to the ref and asked how that was not a penalty. He said, "If it's a penalty, I'll call it and you keep your mouth shut the rest of the game or I'll toss you out." REALLY? SERIOUSLY?? I was very calm when I asked and I really did want to know. He was standing three feet from this non-penalty. Head down with shame: puck drops immediately following this repartee, and I slash the shit out of the back of the legs of the guy who cross-checked me. TWEET! Two minutes for me. My D partner suggested maybe I seek out anger management classes and my good friend Bug o' Death (also on my women's team) sat quietly with me on the bench, post 2 minutes penalty rest, and said, "B, please go to your happy place. This game is really important and we need to win it." Maybe I should seek out these classes before I'm ordered by a judge.

Stupid People

My good friend and college roommate, AnnaBanana, has a plan. When she becomes Dictator/Ruler of the World, she is going to create the Island for Stupid People and Smokers. Kind of like the Island of Misfit Toys in the great Christmas classic, Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.

The premise is simple, really. First and foremost, all smokers get shipped there. No questions asked. You smoke. You live on the Island. You are not allowed to come back to the mainlands until you are smoke-free. She would also ship all the stupid people there. I'm thinking this is going to have to be one ginormous island! Examples of stupid people - Go to the Island. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200:

• People who stay in the left lane by an on-ramp and don't let cars merge.
• Rude customer service people.
• People who say, "Irregardless."
• Managers who say, "Sorry, that's company policy."
• People who cut in front of the coffee line and act like they have no knowledge of this strange concept of "lining up".
• Cheaters. Even if they are pirates.
• Referees who are on a power trip or just plain ol' dumb asses!
• People who voted for the President even after his first four horrible years.
• People who don't vote.
• Doctors who think they know it all but clearly don't; then they wait to order tests until your disease has progressed to the incurable stage.
• People who expect something for nothing.
• People who are convinced their problem is the worst, most urgent, and most important.

Feel free to add your own to the list. The possibilities are endless for stupidity.

Mine, too!

Screw Graf and their little 705s, too!

So, once again, my Fool's Day Baby mo-jo works against me. (My daddy told my mama not to have me on April 1. He said I'd be cursed the rest of my life. It's about the only thing I agree on with him. Oh, that and his love for dogs. He treats them better than he treats people. I do the same.) I spoke/wrote too soon. Five weeks after ordering my custom Graf skates, the hockey shop calls me and tells me Graf can't make my skates. HUH? My arch is too high and the depth of my foot from the top of my ankle to the back of my heel is too great. HUH? THEY ARE CUSTOM!!!! CUSTOM, by definition, I believe means MAKE THEM TO FIT ANY FOOT. So the uppity Canadian Graf know-it-alls want to make me G70s instead of the 705s. Problem: G70s are plastic, not leather, cost $60 more (FOR PLASTIC INSTEAD OF LEATHER???), and aren't even off the production line so it will take at least a couple more months. So I'm supposed to pay $480 for plastic skates SIGHT-UNSEEN????????????????????????

After much deliberation with Coach and H, I decided to NOT get the Grafs. I'm going to buy TWO pairs of my current skates (they are on sale online for $150 now because they are 2007's model) and send them to some skate guru in MN to have the eyelets reinforced. That adds $90 per pair.

Maybe it was because I posted my joy for custom skates on Leap Day and that combined with my Fool's Day Bad Mojo led Karma to bite me in the ass. Or, my feet truly are a freakshow.

I think I have lost my mind.

J-ML: My Fav Av

MY FAVORITE AVALANCHE Player, although Super Joe and Little Kyle Cumiskey are a very close 2nd and 3rd....

John-Michael Liles #4

Position: Defenseman
Shoots: Left
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 185
Born: Nov 25 '80 (Age 27)
Born in: Indianapolis, IN, United States
COL Season: 4th
NHL Season: 4th
Drafted: Colorado's 5th round choice, 159th overall, in 2000
Acquired:Colorado's eighth round selection (159th overall) in the 2000 Entry Draft

I aspire to play some day just like him. He's an offensive defenseman. He's quick. He's fast. He's powerful. He scored the game winner over the Canucks last night. WOO HOO!!! And his goal celebration is modest, yet excited. (More on those later...)

He is always ready to jump into any play. He mixes it up and doesn't take crap from anyone on the ice, even the big goons like Niedermeyer.

I seriously need to apply what I see him do to my games. Well, not the full-on checking part, but the speedy, offensive, quick-feet, quick shots business.

He was born in the good 'ole USA. He's really not Canadian. Hard to believe. Oh, and he's just plain fine to look at.

For a long time, and even now (sometimes), H mutters under his breath how J-ML is a terrible passer, has bad turnovers, and doesn't finish his checks. He knows this bugs me, yet he continues. I just sit back and enjoy the show. I have to say, though, I was having heart palpitations the few weeks leading up to the trade deadline. There were so many rumors that J-ML was on the block. (There's also a rumor Coach Q doesn't like Liles' play....rumors and mere speculation.) I just can't imagine going to a game and not seeing him flying down the ice. If the coaching staff were so unimpressed with My Boy's play, why did he see ice time in every PP last night, along with Sakic, Forsberg, Hejduk, and Stastny????? That is possibly one of my favorite lines EVER!

Secrets

I am addicted to Frank Warren's website http://www.postsecret.com/. People send in their secrets on postcards (yes, via snailmail) and he posts them on his website. Every Sunday they change and every week I see at least three that I could have sent in. I'm tempted. (I've got secrets I'm just itchin' to tell but not even to my best friends. It makes me feel almost evil and devious to keep the secrets and I like it. I thrive in it. But, I want to tell strangers for some reason.)

This week I just couldn't resist this one. It is SO true. Why do I want to be friends with my lame coworkers? Not all my coworkers and lame, but the majority, well....

And the culture at my employer is such that they believe, nay, impart their belief that we MUST have a best friend at work. Hey, I have best friends and they don't need to be people I work with. I like to keep my work life separate from my home life. Mainly because I live two lives, at least. Maybe more. I should change my name to Eve.

Frank has four books published of the postcards he's received. Go to B&N (or any big chain store, not the fabulous independents) and peruse them. Buy them from the independents...use the chains like a library but don't give them your $$$.

Skates, skates, skates

I love skating. Ice hockey skating, that is. I had some issues with skates when I first started (think: skates 4 sizes too big) but then I found a pair of Bauer Supreme 6000 (made in Canada) and they were like butta'. After four years, it was time to retire them. They had lost all their support in the ankles. Damn. So I went in November and got Bauer (now Nike crap made in China) Supreme 70 [picture on the right]. At first I LOVED them like my 6000. Then, one week into wearing them, I blew out the top left grommet on the right boot. Huh? $240 skates? (I wear junior sizes so I save $200 on them.) Bauer warrantied them and gave me another pair. Yep. One week later, same grommet. Same boot. Same problem. Bauer decided it was me, not their Chinese boot. They did "give" me another pair but told me under no uncertain terms that this was the last pair they'd "give" me. This one lasted two weeks. Shit. Damn. Fuck. (Can I say fuck on Blogspot?)

So the boys at PB, my fav hockey shop, convinced me to get custom Graf 705 skates [picture on the left]. All leather. Made in Canada. Craftmanship guaranteed for life. I did it. What did I have to lose, other than $420. On February 2, I spent almost an hour having my foot measured (very tickly) and now I wait. It could take up to 12 weeks. Sure hope that Chinese plastic holds up until then.

Quotes v.2

Coach: "B, you need to come across my face."

Me: "........"

Coach: "Squat and explode."

Me: "wow."

Coach: "Get in and get out. You need to come faster."

Me: "Really. Hmmmm..."

more ramblings...

I don't sleep much. I don't know why. I love sleep. I just don't seem to get much of it. Okay, I do know why. I get up early to play hockey or workout. Then I stay up late to play hockey in games that start at 11:45pm, or do laundry (sniffing included), or scrap, or just futz.

H and I went to see In Bruges a couple weeks ago. I was SO excited. Love Indies. Love the Irish accent, Scottish ones, too. But from the first two notes of the opening music I knew it was going to be trouble. And it was. It was dark: Tarantino-on-crack-killing-innocent-people-you-care-about dark. It did have one of my most favorite movie lines of all time, though. When asked if he likes it in Bruges, Collin Farrel's character says, "Well, if I was raised on a farm and was retarded, I might like it here. But I wasn't, and I'm not...so, I don't." Just funny ass shit to me. But the precipitating act of them going to Bruges: not funny. And it just ends crazy.

Let me just get this out in the open. I'm a shopaholic. Well, I'm more of a collector of pretty things because I don't actually like to shop. I just like the end result of the shopping. If I could skip the traffic, parking, waiting in lines, dealing with dumb clerks, I'd like shopping. Don't think Internet shopping is the answer. I'm too impatient. I want it and I want it now. I like buying other people pretty things, too.

I'm also a procrastinator. I bought a great book that's supposed to help us stop procrastinating. Problem is, I never got around to reading it. It looks like a good book and would probably help, too.

I was really bitter to have to work on Leap Day. It's a free day for my employer. What a load of crap. I only get 7 paid holidays as it is and now I'm getting the same salary for 366 days as I get for 365 days. So I played hookey most of the day. I'll have to make up for it this weekend because like a good communist employer, the work must get done regardless of how many hours you've already put in.

My Favorite Things

• THAI food! For some reason, I can't get enough of the spices in Thai food right now. A few months ago it was mexican spices...weird. I don't even crave burritos anymore. Now it's Pad Thai and a spring roll. Yummy! A friend of mine when to Thailand for a month a few years ago. He had a great time and said the food was 100x better there. He ate and ate and ate. He even brought me back a souvie.
• My Bose QC3 headphones. Holy crap! If you don't have them, you should get them.
• Hockey lessons. Best workout, bar none. Helps that I have a great coach. Don't tell him that. He might get a big ego...too late.
• Dansko shoes. The only shoe I wear, other than my Adidias Response Trail runners. I have over 50 pairs. Shhh...don't tell anyone.
• My iPod. Seems cliche, but I do love it. Only problem is that my 80gb is F-U-L-L and the one I want, the 160gb is $400. Ugh.
• My iPod Shuffle for workouts. Little. Clips anywhere. Stays put. Stands up to sweat. No neoprene band on my arm to get sweat-logged. Yuk. Such an incredible technological advance from the early Walkman...
• Coach bags. No better purse in the world. Quality. Timeless. Functional.
• Scrapping swag. If you don't scrap you don't get it. I won't even try to explain.
• Coffee. Dark. Rich. Robust. I could drink it all day every day. I'm addicted. It's a good thing I chose coffee instead of say, whiskey or crack.