Three to 13 Minutes

Here's some light reading for you, from today's Denver Post. It's so delicious, I had to share.

Let love endure, but keep sex short
by Megan K. Scott, AP
Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn't take long to satisfy a woman in bed.
A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was
three to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.
If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly.
The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from one to two minutes as "too short."
Researcher Eric Corty said he hoped to ease the minds of those who fret that "more of something good is better, and if you really want to satisfy your partner, you should last forever."
The questions were not gender-specific, Corty said. But he said prior research has shown that both men and women want foreplay and sexual intercourse to last longer.
Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. Women were armed with stopwatches.
It's difficult for both older men and young men to make sexual intercourse last much longer, said Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis, MD.
"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are doing sexually," Brandon said. "Most people's sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are."
Fifty members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research in the US and Canada were surveyed by Corty, an associate professor of psychology at Penn State Erie, and student Jenay Guardiani.
Thirty-four members, or 68 percent, responded, although some said the optimal time depended on the couple.
Corty said he hoped to give an idea of what therapists find to be normal and satisfactory among the couples they see.
"People who read this will say, 'I last five minutes or my partner lasts eight minutes,' and say, 'That's OK,'" he said. "They will relax a little bit."

I have questions.

1. There's a Journal of Sexual Medicine??? How do you get a subscription to that?
2. More isn't better??? Clearly this guy a.) doesn't have orgasms, b.) has never tried Turkish coffee and dark Swiss chocolate, c.) has no addictions, and/or d.) was born on a farm and is retarded.
3. See? GKL, you had it right ALL along! Two minutes is just not enough! You didn't need a research study to tell you that!
4. 1,500 couples signed up to have SEX for research? Why do I never see that add in the paper?
5. Did they get paid for the research?
6. Does that make them hookers?
7. Does that make the researcher their P.I.M.P.?
8. The women were "armed with stopwatches?" [Okay, hon, on your marks...get set...OH! FALSE START!!! Do over.] Did they have starter pistols, too? Maybe just those into S&M got those...
9. "It's difficult for older and younger men to make it last much longer." So...we gals should just keep finding, what, 27-yr olds???? What's the magic age? 24? 29? 34? Is there a range to choose from?
10. There's a "Society for Sex Therapy and Research?" Are they accepting new members? Where do they meet? Hourly motels? How long are their meetings? Between 3-13 minutes?
11. "Most people's sex lives aren't as exciting as they brag about?" [Unless they are porn stars.] REALLY??? Brilliant. This guy is brilliant!
12. Relax. Have sex. Take as long or as short as you like. Why not?

I leave you with these quotes, also quite delicious.

"You know how they say to never drink and drive? Well, never drink and bone."

"Oops. That's not your vagina. That's your asshole."

"…and then your Mommy said, "Just do it already!" which was very confusing to Daddy, so I took the most literal translation."

"Do you want to do it doggie style? You're not going to fuck me like a dog. It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything."