Fish and Fetus

"Repeat after me: Fish are our friends...NOT FOOD!"

So I've taken to seeing a dietitian to help me sort out my inability to eat food and figure out what food I might be able to eat. Coach has me keeping a food log to try to track what works, what doesn't, etc. Today, after being force-fed an egg sandwich (with YUCKY mayonnaise on it!) I was told I basically eat too little of the right things, except for the fruits, veggies, and tofu, and not enough of anything else. (Apparently, protein bars are not meals. Neither are protein drinks. Hmmm...I'll make a note of that.) Then, I was told to EAT FISH. Um, what part of vegetarian are you not getting? Vegetarian - one who does not eat flesh, fish nor fowl.

I ate a couple bites of trout about 32 years ago. Heaved it into the river. Fish smells B-A-D. No getting around it. Fish is nasty. Oh, and it's not just any fish I need to eat. It needs to be cold water wild fish. What the hell is that? I wonder if there's a soy-fish-substitute out there somewhere...

And eggs. I'm supposed to eat the whole egg (with Omega-3), cooked, thank gawd. But yolk and all...ugh. Yolks rank right up there with fish. YUK. It's chicken fetus. I do not want to eat chicken fetus. I can get the whites down by not thinking about what they are and cooking them with a ratio of more salsa than whites, but the FETUS? I just don't know about this.

I also just don't like chickens so maybe that feeds into my dislike of yolks. They are mean-spirited birds. Nasty, mean, bitchy birds. One of my jobs on the farm (yep, born on a farm, most likely retarded...) was to get the eggs in every morning. You need to know, chickens do not fear children. Some of those damn birds wouldn't get off their roost to give up their eggs. Well, they'd get down right snippy with me and I of course, would chicken out. (HA!) Then the eggs would rot, bad things happened, dad yelling like a wild man, blah, blah, me in big fat trouble. So my grandpa says to me, "Just go in, put your hand on the side of the chicken on its roost, and say 'Shoo bird, shoo bird,' as you use your hand to up-roost it." Sure. Good plan for an 8 year old. The next morning my dad says, "Don't you leave one egg in that hen house or you'll be sorry." I sure as hell didn't want to be sorry so I knew what I had to do. I gathered all the eggs the hens had abandoned in their nests and then on to the evil hens who thought those eggs belonged to them. (Wait, um...yeah, they laid the egg, so, doesn't that make it their egg? So, I'm stealing their babies???? I had that very conversation with my crazy gram. She told me she and grandpa owned the chickens so anything they laid belonged to them, not the birds. My grandparents were slave-chicken owners!) The VERY FIRST hen I walked up to, I stuck my hand out, pursed my lips to say, "Shoo bird," and that f*cking bird flew (yes, flew) off her roost and PECKED ME IN THE LIP. "Plugged me clean through." There was a complete hole through my upper lip. I bled like a stuck hog. Needless to say, I dropped the entire basket of eggs and raced into the house, which was a good 200 yards from the coop. I looked like my face had been through the wood chipper: tears, blood (lots of blood) and snot all teamed up to make me a horrific sight that garnered all the sympathy I would need. I never had to get eggs again. I did have to clean the hog pen, though, so, good trade, right?

"So laying eggs all your life and then getting plucked, stuffed and roasted is good enough for you, is it?" "It's a livin'."

I really don't have any traumatic story about a fish trying to bite my finger off...I just think they smell like rotten ass and I'm just not fond of eating rotten ass.

All in my quest to build muscle instead of losing it week after week...fish and fetus. Yum Yum.

"Your ideals and values are on the table now, which doesn't mean that you're shifting gears -- just that you need to make some tough choices. Once you see it all clearly, you should know what to do."

Ram: 6

B: 1

DAMN THE RAM!

Sleep Study: I'm starting FOR SURE tomorrow night...I'm only looking at about 3 hours tonight so that won't work.