Even if you have kids, you could die and no one would even know it. I know a lot of people die every day and no one even realizes they were alive to begin with. But this one was near and dear to my heart, and I knew she lived. I should at least get the pleasure and honor to say goodbye. I mention the kids part because I am often asked if I have kids and why don't I have kids. My usual response is, "No, I don't have kids. Why do I need kids? I have dogs." To which, they always say, "Well, dear, who will take care of you when you're old, and who will post an obituary and host your funeral?"
This last part has been blatantly proven false this weekend. My aunt, for whom I am named, passed away. She was 62 and suffered a horrible, horrible life. She had MS and Parkinson's, coupled with early-onset dementia. Talk about the trifecta. And if those three aren't bad enough, her husband was a mean, nasty man who cheated on her (but he got his---he died of an aneurysm while he was taking a crap and no one found him for a week!!! Fucktard.) ["Who gets Prince Humperdink? No one? Jesus Christ, Grandpa, why'd you read me this stupid story??"] He treated her like shit and her three sons are sadly, like their father. Well, actually, the oldest boy is a crazy neo-nazi homeless guy wandering the streets of Frankfurt looking for any handout he can find and is near death himself, from cirrhosis of the liver. He even had some of his white supremacist rantings published a few years ago---I cannot seriously be related to him, of that I am sure. He got Hep C a few years ago and suffers from a really bad case of schizophrenia. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Fucktard.
She has two other sons, twins: Felix and Kristian. They are the epitome of selfish, spoiled, wannabe millionaire jett-setters. Problem is, they used their mom's disability money and their dead father's pension to fund their lavish lifestyles and dumped her in a nasty nursing home. They also sold their mom's meds on the street for extra $$$. Delightful young men. One of them, I can't remember which--doesn't matter, they are both ass clowns--married his girlfriend and got her pregnant because the German government gives married couples $4,000 Euros for each kid they have. WTF????Fucktards.
My aunt was always a delicate soul. She could barely do anything for herself her entire life. She was definitely born in the wrong century. She would have thrived in the early 1800's in the south, wearing the lavish gowns and having people bring her tea and little sandwiches. She just was not the working type. Growing up my mom did everything for her. My mom's the oldest...two years older than this aunt. My aunt was fragile and deliberate in everything she did. She was sweet and gentle and spoke in a very quiet, hushed tone. She married a man she thought would take care of her every need. Not. Anyhoo, she was never the same after the twins were born. She suffered a double-whammy batch of post-partum. And back in the early 70's post-partum was not a disease, was not recognized...it just was...not. She went YEARS without leaving her bedroom. Sad. The saddest part for me was how her husband and kids devalued her; treated her like she was addle-minded, which was so far the contrary. She was very, very intelligent. She, like my mom, spoke many languages and she was a voracious reader. She was one of the most well read people I have ever met. She could also name any classical piece of music and its composer within hearing about three notes. And she remembered the most quaint details about me, my brothers, growing up in post-war Germany...she enjoyed a good cup of coffee in the afternoons while she listened to talk radio. Sounds familiar.
I'm not sure we would have even found out she had passed away, if my youngest aunt hadn't seen one of the twins in a store. He mentioned in casual passing that Nane died and they had her cremated. No obituary. No services. He and his brother had already signed the papers to take control of her share of their parents' estate. Wow. I'm hoping they both have aneurysms in a public restroom, or in a restroom on a train....or someone pushes them out of a moving train.
They sequestered her about 10 years ago so the family rarely got to see her, if ever. They did bring her to each of her parents' funerals, so I did get to see her twice in the past six years. The last time I saw her was at my Oma's burial three years ago. She was wheelchair bound and when I went up to greet her, she thought I was her as a young girl. She thought she was having a flashback dream of her past. I didn't correct her. It would have just confused her more. So I just sat with her in the cemetery and had the most delightful conversation.
Oh, and she hated her name, too. My dad actually insisted on naming me after her. (He was in love with her many years ago and when she spurned his advances, he asked my mom out, I think to make my aunt jealous. I could not make this shit up, honestly.) She went by Nane her whole life. A nickname given to her by my mom, who as a wee child, could not pronounce her hellishly long name. I always wanted to go by a nickname. My mom refused. When my oldest nephew was born he couldn't pronounce my name so I became NeNe. My whole family still calls me NeNe.
The similarities are glaring even though we chose such vastly different paths in life. So I end my memoriam post with this:
Schlaf endlich im Ruh, meine beliebte Tante Nane
Kristiane Bettina
Benner Michnacs,
1946-2008
3 comments:
Rest in peace.
You so look like your Aunt!
I won't tell you what NeNe means in Chinese but take my advice, don't go to China with your relatives.
We are both named after our Aunts! Only mine is bat-shit crazy...
dear bettina,
thank you for your post mortal letter for my mother. I wonder wy are you be so shure about your resume about my father and my two brothers and me. I remember to met you two times in my life and I know, that you met my father not much times more before.Annyway, my father was a really calm and helpful person especially to my mother. In the part of his life, if he was in hospital about of his apoplex, he was so sad about him self. The reason was, that he couldn`t give his wife some needful help. In the last three month of his life, he was spend all his possible time for her; to get her comfortible and calm.
My oldest brother Florian, you be nearby real with your result. He is an Editor for some newspapers and he established a special-interest-magazine for beletristic editors. He isn't the person who straingt to be a regular one. He creates his special idea of life, but he isn't a homeless person like you treat him. He is the one, who try to find his seperate identity, and so what, he was able to find it. It is not your role to judge about his life. Yuor comment about my twin and me is really funny. My brother was trying to find his life for a really long time. He is in a safe situation since 3 or 4 years. He is in the responsible position to create a new business unit for clinical studies for medical divices in a company in europe. For my self; I was studdy social affairs and health economics in Luxembourg, and was pay it by my own earning. The financial situation of my parentns was not the best one. My father was not the person who brings the million dollar earning at home. Your letter seems to be, but it wasn't like your fantasy. He was a simple agent in the univerity in giessen (hometown)with a professorship for experimental medicine and not the privileged man who you talk about.
So, I try to find out wy are you find souch bad words for my family. I can't remember a situation which is causally for your discretion. My brothers and I wasn't able to waste the monney of our parrents, because the geman code for social affairs didn't gives you the possebility. The money from our parrents wasn't enough for the burial for both of them. So my twin and I was paid the notice from our own monney.
It is ok if you are plaintively about the exitus of your ant. I try to say, it is not ok if you are judge about persons which you are don't know. Finally I want to invite you to keep in contact. Then we hafe the option to find the wright result for this complicate situation.
lovely regards, kristian
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