She's Lady 300!!!

It’s as easy as a-b-c…1-2-3…
3-0-0 is a magic number.
“I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous.”

In 18 months I’ve taken 300 lessons. That’s 16.67 per month, 4.17 per week. Holy schneikies!! It is a serious milestone. 100 seemed huge. 200 just swept past me. Here I sit at 300, well, 303 now. I was told I’m on a plateau and I need to kick it in gear. I’m stuck on a few things, “well a bunch of things, really.” Can’t get over the hump… “the hump, my hump, my luscious lady lumps. Check it out.”

Now starts new expectations. Things will be different. (Ever notice when you think things will be different, or you HOPE things will be different…they aren’t??? I was sure when I turned 16, things would be different. 18th? Different. 21st? Different damn it!! And, no. Things were not different. I was the same. My life was the same. Same. Same. Same. And it makes me mad. So, anything 300+ had damn well better be DIFFERENT!!!) “It's going to be really special, she's just about kissed 300 guys at this point”.

My lesson book only has a few, sacred blank pages left. What happens when you fill your lesson book? Do I get another one? I’d better! Or, do we just start over and re-do all the previous lessons?? I have questions.
“I hired a 90-lb girl to work in the stock room at Smart Tech for you, okay? I should've hired a 300-lb guy to lift the 60-inch flat screen, but instead I hired a hot girl who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk.”

Things I’ve learned and observed…
Food:
“Oh, you have Tofutti! You heard what the doctor said, your cholesterol is over 300! You're... basically a solid.”
»I need to prepare to be able to perform.
»I need to eat to perform.
»I need to eat to live. Seems easy enough. Execution is the problem. (I think that’s the same issue those on death row have…)
»If you plan and prepare ahead of time, you won’t be left with nothing to eat.
»Finding the right foods that don't make me sick is a struggle.
»It’s a life-long process.
“You guys are like Butch and Sundance peering over the edge of a cliff to the boulder-filled rapids 300 feet below, thinking you better not jump 'cause there's a chance you might drown. The President has this disease and has been lying about it, and you guys are worried that the polling might make us look bad? It's the fall that's gonna kill ya.”

Hockey:
»I can put the puck in the net anywhere I want. I never, ever thought I’d be able to do that. It was like a light switch turned on the day it all finally clicked. Tip: practice the technique exactly how Coach teaches it. It works.
“Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it's all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing. Why, there are laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart. Uh, it's like pheromones. You get three ants together, they can't do dick. You get 300 million of them, they can build a cathedral.”
»I love to skate. And now I love to shoot. When I first talked to Coach about lessons I didn’t want to shoot. I didn’t want the puck. Now I want the puck all the time. More puck!
“Isn't it amazing how the internet makes everything you say sound 300 times sluttier.”
»You can’t get better if you don’t practice. Playing in games does not make you better. It reinforces your current habits and mistakes.
“No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high level income, it's not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300. Heck, I just read in the newspaper that they put a pig heart in some guy from Russia. Do you know what that means?”
»Try something. Try anything. Don't just stand there. Keep moving. SKATE!!!
»The game of hockey is not prescribed. You can't plan for what's going to happen. It is not a drill. You just have to react and let your instincts take over.
"In 300 years, when Evil returns... so shall we."
»If you have a particularly BAD lesson and you want to cry, wait until you get in your car. Then phone a friend: a hockey friend who takes lessons and has been there before. (Thanks, Coxie, Bug, Kimbell & Cuervho for always making me feel better!!!) Never, never, let the coach see you cry. It's not his fault you can't execute and no good can come from this.
"Are you crying? Are you c-r-y-i-n-g??? There's no crying in baseball!!! There's no crying in baseball!!!" (Substitute H-O-C-K-E-Y for baseball.)

What does all this mean? I have no freakin clue. I'm just trying to get through the day as best I can. Have fun along the way. Get a good workout. Treat people how I like to be treated. Do no harm. Get up and do it all over again until someone tells me to stop.
"Why do you keep beating your head against the wall?" "Because it feels so good when I stop."