A man, after visiting a strip club, is SUING the stripper who gave him a lap dance. She apparently clipped his face with her 5" stiletto heal when she was swinging her leg around his head. He claims he has permanent damage. No, he didn't lose an eye or anything and as far as I could see, looked like a typical fck-nut guy who visits strip clubs. Listen, Dumbass, you are giving her $$ to sit and spin on your lap and now you're suing her? I wonder if State Farm or Geico would insure strippers for this kind of thing...
The federal project officer of one of the grants I work on called me this week and said, "What time is it there in Denver? How many hours are you ahead of me?" She's in Maryland. I wanted to say, "I'm about 90 IQ points ahead." But instead said, "Um...we're two hours
behind Eastern Time, so it's 11:00 here." How do people like that have jobs? Oh, they work for the federal government.
A stingray JUMPED (or FLEW) out of the water and landed on a women's face in Florida. The woman died. She was riding in a boat with her husband. They were going about 25mph. The stingray weighed almost 60lbs. WTF? Stingray can jump or fly or whatever??? Coming from landlocked MT, I don't know much about sea life. I'm not a water lover, especially oceans. They freak me out. Give me a nice fresh water lake, any day: no sharks, no stingrays, no crazy wild sea life. Just fish and slimy weeds, and they don't taste like you're sucking on a salt lick. Yuk! And what was the husband thinking and doing while watching this rogue stingray? What would you do? Holy crap. I'd crap my shorts, that's what I'd do.
AnnaBanana is in SanFran this week and texted me this bumpersticker she saw: "George Bush is the worst president in history. How did people vote for him twice??" I'll tell you, HE CHEATED! And no, he's not a pirate, and least not the good, Johnny Depp-pirate.
Me to the 19 year old Starbucks barista, "Hi. Can I get a grande decaf?" She looked at me for 20 seconds straight. Then finally said, "Um...like, coffee?" I said, "Um...like, yes, coffee. You know, drip coffee. The brown stuff you brew into those big pots?" She pondered this for another 20-some-odd-seconds and said, "Uh, we don't have coffee." No explanation. No reason. Okay then. I've got nothing. So many things come to mind, like, "Sweetie you are too young to have fried your brain smoking so much pot," or "Oh, is this Starbucks Guitar Repair & Maintenance? I thought it was the coffee shop," or "REALLY? You've run out of beans? Holy shit, it's Armageddon! RUN FOR THE HILLS!" I walked across the street to the REAL Starbucks and got my cup o' joe. Good thing there's one on every block!
A man, after visiting a strip club, is SUING the stripper who gave him a lap dance. She apparently clipped his face with her 5" stiletto heal when she was swinging her leg around his head. He claims he has permanent damage. No, he didn't lose an eye or anything and as far as I could see, looked like a typical fck-nut guy who visits strip clubs. Listen, Dumbass, you are giving her $$ to sit and spin on your lap and now you're suing her? I wonder if State Farm or Geico would insure strippers for this kind of thing...
The federal project officer of one of the grants I work on called me this week and said, "What time is it there in Denver? How many hours are you ahead of me?" She's in Maryland. I wanted to say, "I'm about 90 IQ points ahead." But instead said, "Um...we're two hours behind Eastern Time, so it's 11:00 here." How do people like that have jobs? Oh, they work for the federal government.
A stingray JUMPED (or FLEW) out of the water and landed on a women's face in Florida. The woman died. She was riding in a boat with her husband. They were going about 25mph. The stingray weighed almost 60lbs. WTF? Stingray can jump or fly or whatever??? Coming from landlocked MT, I don't know much about sea life. I'm not a water lover, especially oceans. They freak me out. Give me a nice fresh water lake, any day: no sharks, no stingrays, no crazy wild sea life. Just fish and slimy weeds, and they don't taste like you're sucking on a salt lick. Yuk! And what was the husband thinking and doing while watching this rogue stingray? What would you do? Holy crap. I'd crap my shorts, that's what I'd do.
AnnaBanana is in SanFran this week and texted me this bumpersticker she saw: "George Bush is the worst president in history. How did people vote for him twice??" I'll tell you, HE CHEATED! And no, he's not a pirate, and least not the good, Johnny Depp-pirate.
Me to the 19 year old Starbucks barista, "Hi. Can I get a grande decaf?" She looked at me for 20 seconds straight. Then finally said, "Um...like, coffee?" I said, "Um...like, yes, coffee. You know, drip coffee. The brown stuff you brew into those big pots?" She pondered this for another 20-some-odd-seconds and said, "Uh, we don't have coffee." No explanation. No reason. Okay then. I've got nothing. So many things come to mind, like, "Sweetie you are too young to have fried your brain smoking so much pot," or "Oh, is this Starbucks Guitar Repair & Maintenance? I thought it was the coffee shop," or "REALLY? You've run out of beans? Holy shit, it's Armageddon! RUN FOR THE HILLS!" I walked across the street to the REAL Starbucks and got my cup o' joe. Good thing there's one on every block!
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