"I can't finish all this and sleep at the same time."

"You have to sleep. It's what keeps you pretty."

So, the other night, H tells me to come watch something on the iMAX in our living room. Thinking it's some great hockey clip, I hop to. It turns out to be a story on 60 Minutes about SLEEP. http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=3942130n

Leslie Stahl* is reporting on all the bad things that can happen to you if you don't sleep: heart disease, diabetes, obesity, blindness, rotten teeth, scurvy...okay, I made up those last three. We watch the whole episode, which is s longie--they actually break for commercial in the middle of the report. If you watch 60 Minutes you know this is a rare occurrence. At the end of the report, he says, "See! That's why you need to sleep more." I was speech-LESS! I HAVE TO SLEEP MORE? This coming from a guy who's sleep cycle is so f-ed up he can't fall asleep when the sun goes down? Seriously, he sleeps from 4am-10am. I don't get it. I thought he DVR'd the episode for me as if to say, "Wow, I should get more sleep," meaning HE should get more sleep. He goes on to say, "You get up at the butt-crack of dawn, play hockey or workout and then go to work then play hockey or workout until midnight." I should have looked at him and said, "Hello pot! I may be the kettle, but we're BOTH black!"

Quotes (you know I love my quotes) from the report:

• "In fact, sleep is as essential as food because they will die just about as quick from food deprivation as sleep deprivation. So, it's that necessary," [First food is fuel and now sleep is, too???]


• "Whatever the function of sleep, or the functions of sleep are, they seem to be so important that evolution is willing to put us in that place of potential danger by losing consciousness. It would be the biggest evolutionary mistake if sleep does not serve some critical function," [The scientists don't even KNOW why we need sleep and they are assuming it's an evolutionary mistake if it's not important? What is that?]


• "Sleep, we've been finding, actually can enhance your memories, so that you'll come back the next day even better than where you were the day before," [So, on the days I get 8 hours (that's what they recommend in this study) I should remember everything from yesterday. What if you're completely wasted the prior day and you get 8 hours of sleep that night? Will you remember all the crazy shit you did the night before?]


• "So, it seems to be that practice does not quite make perfect; it’s practice with a night of sleep that makes perfect," [I am going to try this tonight to prepare for my lesson tomorrow. We'll just see about that! I'll do my own damn sleep study and let you know. I'm no Leslie Stahl, but I do have a stop watch that goes tick-tick-tick-tick-tick.]


• "It's this odd notion that we all think in Western civilization that we have to stay awake to get more done. And I think that's simply not true. In fact, I think if you have a good night of sleep, what you'll find is that you can get more done than if you simply stay awake." [Adding this to my study...]
  
• "Well, the first finding, and it stunned us, was there's a cumulative impairment that develops in your ability to think fast, to react quickly, to remember things. And it starts right away," Dinges says. "A single night at four hours or five hours or even six, can in most people, begin to show affects in your attention and your memory and the speed with which you think. A second night it gets worse. A third night worse. Each day adds an additional burden or deficit to your cognitive ability." [If the detrimental effects are cumulative, doesn't one of those math properties come into effect here (what are they, again...associative, commutative, distributive, and equality??) that if you sleep for 24 hours straight, you could make up three nights of lost sleep, thus, lack of sleep is cumulative but so is a lot of sleep...]


• "But remember, we're not allowing caffeine, and we're not allowing physical activity and bright light. And for most of us, probably a day or two or so, you can get by taking these, what we call the counter measures, right? But, at some point what these studies show is the impairments get so bad, that there's little to no rescue possible without getting more sleep," [AH HA! CHEATERS!!! This damn study isn't even close to real life. What sleep deprived person doesn't use some kind of stimulant until they can catch some make up zzzz's?]

I may have to concede the sleep issue...It's not just H. My mama and Coach tell me I need more sleep, too. I'm out numbered. Funny, Miss Marley thinks by 6am every morning I've had plenty of sleep. I'm still doing my own damn sleep study, though, so stay tuned.

*Side note: H and I actually have a funny joke between us about Leslie Stahl. She did a report a few years ago about autistic savants. There was a young boy, maybe 8 or 9, who was blind and severely autistic. He was also an incredible piano player. Anyhoo, when she first met him and introduced herself to him, he said to her, in his cute little voice, "Helloooo Lez-lee." We often repeat this funny greeting randomly for no reason at all. It's really just funny to the two of us, I'm guessing. Never mind.